Hillary Clinton Cyborg Short Circuits In Central Park

Tweet Some music fans at the OZY festival in Central Park on Saturday received an unexpected encore when Hillary Clinton, who attended to bolster 2020 presidential support, began acting spasmodically and nearly burst into flames. Toward the end of a star-studded lineup that included the…

Anunnaki Steal Russian Gold

Tweet Russia has begun protecting its vast gold reserves from a malicious race of extraterrestrials that seeks not only our destruction but also, for reasons unknown, our wealth, says a Kremlin insider speaking under condition of anonymity. He cites a classified Ministry of Defense report…

Putin to Trump: “Put Hillary In Jail Before It’s Too Late”

Tweet At yesterday’s historic summit in Helsinki, Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin held a public presser. They shook hands, smiled, exchanged jokes, and discussed North Korea, allegations of Russian meddling in American politics, fake news, and ways to make Earth safe and prosperous for…

Russian Defense Minister: Anunnaki Not Contained

Tweet On Friday, Russian Defense Minister Sergey Shoygu told a cadre of Russian military brass rumors of Anunnaki containment or exodus were untrue and that isolated skirmishes with extraterrestrial insurgents could escalate to a theater wide military confrontation unless regional commanders identify and destroy incursions…

Vatican Offers Obama Asylum

Tweet The Vatican has offered disgraced former president Barack Hussein Obama political asylum and protection against persons and organizations seeking his incarceration, says an Obama confidante speaking under condition of anonymity. Pope Francis, he said, personally penned a four-page letter praising Obama’s accomplishments, while anguishing…

Russia Destroys Extraterrestrial Drones

Tweet On Monday, the Russian military scored a decisive victory over marauding extraterrestrials, said Russian Federal Service Bureau officer Isan Ivanov. His account expands on an official statement issued by the Ministry of Defense, which claims that Russian air defense batteries shot down a group…

FEMA ORDERS 2500 GALLONS OF HYDROGEN CYANIDE FROM BRAZIL

Tweet The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has ordered 2,500 gallons of hydrogen cyanide from Brazilian chemical manufacturer Askell Quimica, says a FEMA employee wishing to remain anonymous. The agency, he said, solicited bids from fifteen foreign manufacturing plants before selecting Quimica as a supplier….

Trump-Putin to Discuss ET Threat and Nibiru

Tweet Next month, the world’s two most powerful leaders will meet in a mutually convenient third country to discuss a wide spectrum of issues currently cycling through the media. The gathering is tentatively scheduled for July 16, in Helsinki, but may change due to security…

Delta Force on Standby to Apprehend Obama

Tweet Delta Force operators have received presidential standby orders for a mission to apprehend disgraced former president Barack Hussein Obama, said a high-ranking White House insider speaking under condition of anonymity. According to our source, President Trump contacted Joint Special Operations Command after returning home…

FEMA ADMIN HINTS AT MARTIAL LAW; REQUESTS MORE POWER AND MONEY

Tweet At a Friday White House Security briefing, FEMA Deputy Administrator Joseph Nimmich said the agency must double its number of field agents by 2020 to contend with the rising threat of a domestic insurgency. He lobbied a union of high profile guests that included…