NY Man Seeks Mineral Rights to Nibiru

A sixty-three year old Mayfield, NY man has made an unusual demand on the government. Herbert Allen, a fourth-generation gold prospector, petitioned the Bureau of Land Management, a division of the Department of Interior, for unequivocal, irrevocable mineral and natural resource rights on Nibiru.

In October, following an exhaustive internet search to ensure no other persons had filed a claim against Nibiru, Mr. Allen submitted a Federal Placer claim with the BLM in accordance with statute FLPMA (43 U.S.C. § 1744). He filed federally because he does not believe any one state has jurisdiction over free-floating celestial objects; additionally, he said New York would likely “tax the shit” out of him or place a lien on his claim. Besides the required paperwork, he mailed a check for $155 for processing and location fees, and waited patiently for a response.

On November 15, having received neither a reply nor return of his check (which had been cashed,) Mr. Allen telephoned the BLM and, after being placed on hold for three hours, demanded to speak with a supervisor able to determine the status of his claim.

“I held like forever waiting for someone to talk to me. I followed all the procedures outlined on the BLM website down to a‘t’ but I felt like they was ignoring me. When I finally got to speak to a human being, some man named Mr. Richards, he told they denied my claim cause no such plot of land exists and cause they thought it was a joke. But they took my money.”

According to the BLM’s website, processing fees for claims, regardless if approved, are non-refundable.

Asked about his prospecting qualifications, Mr. Allen said that he—like his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather–was a crackerjack miner with a nose for sniffing out precious metals. Admittedly, he has yet to strike it rich, but he swears with absolute certainty that Nibiru holds billions of pounds of gold, silver, and tritium and an abundance of Helium-3 (3H) and precious isotopes. He acquired this knowledge, he said, from a book, The Twelfth Planet by author Zachariah Sitchen, and other difinitive texts on Planet X.

But he cannot exploit Nibiru’s resources without mining and excavation permits.

Disappointed by the BLM’s response, Mr. Allen took the next logical step: he sent a onerous letter—certified, return-receipt requested—to the White House, insisting the president either approve his prospecting claim or provide a legitimate reason for denial. A week later, he received a form letter that read: “Thank you for contacting the White house and President Trump. Unfortunately, President Trump cannot reply personally to every letter, but wants you to have this gift as a token of his really great appreciation.”

The gift was a complimentary autographed photograph of President Trump.

“I like that Trump guy but was kinda disappointed,” said Mr. Allen. “I would’ve even given him a stake in the operation.”

Asked how he plans to finance and engineer his initiative, he said wealthy investors and brilliant minds are paramount to the operation’s success. He admits logistics pose a problem, but seems to have solutions for all obstacles.

“See here now, the methods depend on Nibiru’s ultimate proximity to Earth. If it’s close enough, we build a flexible suspension bridge. If it’s too far for the bridge, we use them there space shuttles to ferry excavation gear to Nibiru. Sure, it’s expensive, but we will break even within the first year and double our profit each year after that. But since I’ve been snubbed twice—I only got one hope left for that permit.”

That hope, he said, hinges on a power most high, the ultimate authority on all things Nibiru—Russian President Vladimir Putin. He said Putin believes in Nibiru because the internet said he does. Mr. Allen recentely cashed in a retirement plan to purchase a round-trip ticket to Moscow, where he hopes to meet with the popular Russian leader.

“Trump wouldn’t let me mine Nibiru. I bet Putin will,” he said.

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