Macron and Merkel Ask Putin About Nibiru

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On Sunday, Russian President Vladimir Putin had a conference call with his French and German counterparts, Emmanuel Macron and the sinister Angela Merkel, ostensibly to find enough common ground to implement a cease-fire in Syria. According to our source, former KGB agent Strelnikov Isaac Stepanovich, Macron and Merkel were interested in an altogether different topic and may have used the war in Syria as an excuse to get Putin’s ear. Ten minutes into the conversation, our source said, Macron asked Putin to share Russian intelligence on Nibiru.

Merkel, he added, also wanted current data on the dark star and its orbiting planets, saying that while she mourned the deaths of Syrian freedom fighters, she considered Nibiru a more important matter of discussion.  Stepanovich, who claims to have seen a classified transcript of the conversation, said Merkel’s voice was at first uncharacteristically nervous, as if she were begging for Putin’s aid.

“Why they Approached Putin instead of western governments for this information I do not know,” Stepanovich said. “But the bitch Angela Merkel seemed genuinely frightened. Macron was more composed and calm. He asked Putin for Nibiru’s arrival date and other information.”

Macron expressed concern over conflicting arrival dates and said he believed Russia’s meticulous and costly research would likely yield authentic results not possessed by other nations. When Putin calmly asked how the French gained insight on Russian research, Macron confessed that French DGSE agents and German Federal Intelligence Service operatives had infiltrated the Ministry of Defense but failed to secure and transmit integral data before mysteriously disappearing.

Putin admonished them, saying their improvident behavior made them look like fools. Moreover, Putin told them Nibiru’s exact date of arrival was irrelevant, because regardless of when it comes, the outermost orbital would pass close enough to Earth to cause widespread devastation the likes of which modern society has never seen.

“Putin scolded them for their lack of foresight, but in the name of fostering universal peace told them Nibiru would arrive between the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021. A precise predication is impossible, as the sun’s gravitational pull heavily influences Nibiru’s velocity and degree of angular deflection relative to our southern hemisphere.”

While Macron seemed grateful, Merkel’s attitude suddenly changed; she became belligerent, laughing haughtily at Putin and accusing him of providing disinformation. She then allegedly made a shocking claim: former United States President Barrack Hussein Obama, in whom she expressed implicit trust, told her Nibiru would not reach perigee until 2025.

In response, Putin said Obama was not only a quixotic moron but also the most nefarious disinformation agent of his era. Every word from Obama’s filthy mouth, Putin said, was a lie.

“Merkel and Macron argued back and forth about the validity of Putin’s information versus what Obama might have told the Merkel fiend. Macron tried to calm her down but she simply raised her voice over theirs and continued accusing President Putin of lying. She must have joined the conversation just to start a fight.”

When Putin repeatedly rebuffed Obama’s alleged date, Merkel purportedly accused Putin of being a demon, shouted “You’ll find out,” and disconnected from the call. Macron apologized on her behalf and applauded Putin’s willingness to save lives in the face of imminent disaster.

In closing, Stepanovich said Putin has extended an olive branch to many nations, offering to freely share what Russia has learned about Nibiru.


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